1. Always know how many months are left until your 21st birthday. This is important, especially if you are in college. Everyone wants to know how long it is going to be until you are a legal adult. I actually felt bad my last year of college because I was only 20, so going out at night ended up like a babysitting gig. We had to find places that were open late at night and didn't serve alcohol (Savannah Moe's was the place to go). If we didn't do that, I would become the DD and someone would always have to stay outside of the location with me, for safety reasons. So, the quicker you can answer the "When do you turn 21" question, the happier the people around you become.
2. Sleep when you can. I have never been one to sleep in. I have always felt entirely lazy if I sleep in past 8:30am or stay home all day. Starting work in my career field and handing school work, I have come to the great realization that sometimes you just have to take one day to sleep. Its a recharge that I have never felt comfortable with...until several all nighters and 16 hour work days existed.
3. Bills come first. This one isn't fun and is also self explanatory. Especially with your ability to hang out late at night with friends coming up, the realization that you can't get what you want because you have bills to pay is an incredible downer. Life comes with complications, money is one of those.
4. Relationships don't have to be dramatic. I am a girl and tend to be incredibly dramatic every now and then. Mostly because I am a fighter and instigator. However, I'm not up front about it. I am one of those that talks circles around what is really happening. This past year I have learned how unnecessary that is. I'm still working on ending this completely, because it is just so tiring. Most people aren't going to pick up on the "subtle" hints or snappy comebacks...especially if most of your dialect is sarcastic to begin with. Drama just destroys you. It takes so much effort and concentration. I've gotten to the point where I just say what I feel. If I can't come up with the words to describe it, I usually just say "Fail at english. I'll figure it out later." and change the subject. Why start an unnecessary fight and ruin both parties' days?
5. Relocation is an adventure. Moving has been apart of my life since I was born. I have lived in ten different cities and six different states. The number of schools explains exactly why I am terrible at history and really do not understand the vocabulary for breaking down the written english language. Moving is incredibly motivating and exciting though. Especially when you are on your own. There is a sense of independence that you are taking on this world and you can do it all by yourself. There are new people and places all around you. Nothing is the same. No one knows you yet everyone can. Its a fresh start.
6. Be yourself always. Impress people is so much work. I have been known for always being myself. Everyone usually knows my life because I have nothing to hide. I am myself. If you don't like sarcasm, awkward moments, single jokes or OCD tendencies than we probably would not get along.
7. Be yourself in a friendship/relationship. I am one for this too. I try to impress people that I want to be accepted by so I adapt to what they need at that time. I'm a chameleon type friend. Need a shoulder to cry on; sweet. Need a person to rant with; gotcha. Need to tell a secret that you don't want anyone to know about; lips are sealed. Need someone to get you out of depression; PART-A! You get the point. Anyways, trying to be accepted makes life so much more complicated than what it should be. Stop pretending. You actually have a lot more fun when you are honest, yourself and get rid of the idea that everyone MUST like you. They don't. Be confident in who you are and the people that will connect with you will and you will have so much more joy in life.
8. Its ok to be single. I don't always get this part right either. I started a year of being single this June for myself. This is the time when I get to focus on myself, becoming financially stable and trusting God in all aspects of life. This doesn't mean swearing off guys from your life. It means accepting the fact that there is going to be a friendship and a set year of just getting to know each other. This takes the pressure off of a lot of friendships. Romantic intentions complicate a lot in opposite sex friendships. Taking a year off to focus on having fun, figuring out my future and following my dreams and goals that God has instilled in me will be one of the strongest, proudest and most productive moments of my life that I look back on. It also takes the guess work away from guys (I have more guy friends then girl friends). They know that nothing can happen for a set period of time, so just hanging out becomes more fun with no one having opposite intentions.
9. Be honest. Talking around in circles doesn't work. You don't get the results you want any quicker. Politely say how you feel and what you think. If you don't like how something is, don't sit around going "yea it may work." Say that you don't like it and come up with a solution on how to fix it.
10. Don't apologize for your feelings. This is something that I have always struggled with. I can handle everyone's emotions but my own. So apologizing for the feelings I had was second nature. Why apologize though? Now, I will tell you exactly how I feel. If I like you, after a month of feeling that way, history shows that I am most likely going to tell you. This saves a lot of the back and forth in my mind and reading into situations. If you don't like me back, cool, lets be friends. If you do, lets talk about what we want and need to do. Its a turn off to a lot of guys if a girl is this blunt and forward with them. Honestly, to me, that just means that those aren't the guys I am meant to be with. I am a very strong, Christian lady who stands up for what she believes in. If you can't handle me telling you that I like you, the likely hood of you handling spending the rest of your life with me is probably very slim to none.
11. Take on new responsibilities. This is challenging but rewarding. Especially in a job. You have to accept that you do not know everything. However, you can be confident that you can learn what you need to do and perfect it in a short amount of time. Everyone starts off as a newbie. However, everyone also appreciates a go getter who isn't afraid to take risks and learn new things.
12. Stop trying to fit the status quo of beauty. I have supermodels for best friends. The girls in my life, that I consider my best friends, are freaking gorgeous and can rock any outfit. They also get all of the guys when we go out. The boys in my life are incredibly handsome and talented. They are the girl magnets of any location. So, standing next to any one of them can bring on insecurities rather quickly. Most, I'm praying, they don't pick out. Others, we will all agree on. But trying to fit societies form of beauty sucks. I have curves. My teeth aren't perfect. My hair does nothing cute and I will probably trip at least once. You want to know the great thing about having those attractive friends though...I don't have to fight to be one. I don't have to strive to look the best. I can just be me. I know everyone is looking at the friends around me so I have a free pass to hang out and just have fun. I don't have to worry about what other people think. I have my friends that I love around me, I get to be myself and I don't have to worry about being rudely hit on. If the people I care about care about me, my life is perfect how it is. I am beautiful as I am and my friends see that. I am thankful that God gave me more beauty in a personality than my looks...because he knows I do not have the patience to spend 30 minutes putting on makeup in the morning.
13. Live your dreams no matter the cost. This is something that I have always been incredibly passionate about. I don't believe in holding jobs that are not focused, or can gain you, exactly what you want in life. I, at the age of 11, had the words "Dream. Act. Believe. Succeed." plastered on my walls. I have always been driven to follow my biggest passions in life. I am career focused and work driven, so being able to do something I love is the matter of a happy life or depression. I can't bag groceries. Yes, if my life depends on it, I will do it but I believe it will kill my soul. Happiness, I believe, comes from your relationship with Christ and comes from what you do with your life. I don't want to grow up unhappy and bitter. I want to be able to look at my future kiddies and tell them that they can be whoever they want to be. That they can live their dreams because their mommy and daddy pursued theirs and lived theirs. That is the amazing thing about being in the entertainment industry. Its not normal to be apart of a camera team for films or tv shows. I can look at my young ones one day and tell them that all of the odds will not be in their favor, but they are loved and supported. If they put in the work and chase their dreams with everything they got, they too will be able to look at their future young ones and encourage a dream filled, happy life.
14. Do it yourself. I am all about team work. However, if you need something to get done, just do it yourself. You can get it done exactly how you want it and expect it to get done. Don't wait. Realize that other people are busy too and the longer you wait, the longer it will take. You got it!
15. Stop taking everything personally. You are not on everyone's mind 24/7. If someone does something, it does not mean that it was against you. Not everything is about you. Girls, if a guy texts another girl and you haven't told them you like them, do not go complain to your 27 girl friends about how much you hate him because he is talking to another girl. Guess what, he doesn't know how you feel and he is allowed to text whoever he wants. He is a grown man who can make choices. If he doesn't text you first or make you a priority in his life, don't take it personally. Don't spread rumors about how mean he is or how much of a jerk he is. You have his life in a magnify glass when he has your life in a fish eye lens. He doesn't mean to ignore you. He isn't doing it personally (unless you are truly being annoying and stalkerish). He is living his life. Live yours and you may find actual happiness.
16. Trust people. This is extremely challenging, especially for me. I have a very difficult time trusting others physically and emotionally. I became very independent in my life very early on. I've had several friends break my trust, so trusting people is a very challenging area for me to deal with. So, with this being said, be very careful about the people you choose in your life to give your trust to. Also be cautious about trusting people. Take slow steps. If it is overwhelming, take a step back. I can trust people emotionally before I can physically. One of my best friends that I have had in my life was one where we never touched one another. We actually got to about 6 months into the friendship when we realized that we had never even hugged each other. So we did...most awkward .5 seconds of our lives. This makes romantic relationships incredibly awkward for me as well. Once a guy gets close to me face to face, I either back away or start to giggle. If they break that awkward barrier, I am completely fine from there on out...but the guy has to break that barrier. Its a trust thing. I know once that barrier is broken, the trust level becomes greater...which is a huge deal for people who struggle with trust. Its a level of vulnerability, which is incredibly scary.
17. Trust God. This is one thing that I have always said to do but have only recently really practiced. Trusting God is difficult. To give everything that you do, see and want to him can be incredibly challenging, especially if you are as independent as I am. I want control over my life, but it hasn't been until recently that I realized the control in my life does not make me happy. I will never be happy if I am not doing exactly what God wants. It is like swimming up stream, it gets tiring and old really quickly. I took a leap of faith when I moved away from my parents to pursue my career. I truly believe this is where God wants me to be and grow. However, I also know that the moment that God doesn't want me here, he will provide what I need to do next. Putting the faith of paying your bills in his hands is always extremely challenging. When moving on my own and paying my own bills, I dedicated the 16th of every month to tithing. I started this in July. Now the month that has followed has been incredibly dry financially. I have enough money to pay my next set of bills. I want to go out and spend the 10% on food, fun and life, but I am staying faithful to my Father and saving that money for the 16th of this month. It is also as a thank you to God for allowing me to live such an incredible life thus far. Allowing me opportunities, free will and love. The 16th is a crucial day between God and I. I pride myself to live completely towards his will, especially on that day. Its more about obedience than it is about the information coming to pass. I much rather go to heaven and say that I trusted the information that I was given, was obedient on my followings and never saw it come to pass than go to heaven and say that I never truly trusted my heavenly Father. Its not about the end result, its about the journey. That is why my career, my friendships, my future relationship (I only want one true love), and my life is all in his hands. He provides. Always. Taking the worry out of the little things and letting God handle them is the best thing I have found out most recently this year. He provided me with a safe place to live in Atlanta. He provided me with an apartment. He provided me with the income and career to pay the bills I have needed to pay. He has provided me with spiritual friends and growth. Why would he not continue to provide. Yes, things are tight right now and my concern and pleas do consume more of my time than I would like to admit...but how would I appreciate the harvesting times if I never experienced the desert times?
18. Nothing is more comforting that blankets and pillows. This needs no explanation. Not only does it allow for the most comfortable night and nap times, but it also brings out the kid side in you. Build a fort. I'm just saying. OH and something that was discovered recently...build a fort over a bed. Hello great night sleep and childlike fun!
19. Don't take life too seriously. Laugh at yourself. I do this on a daily basis...most people join in. I can't help but to do, think and say things that nobody seems to understand. At the end of a joke, I will question the abstract part that had nothing to do with the punch line. Some friends look at me wondering why I'm not laughing at the joke. Usually its because I am wondering how the other part of the sentence would have worked in real life...this just makes the situation more entertaining because a "Wow, really." type thing happens. The other day I had to laugh at myself because I couldn't open up a cup of grapes while sitting at a stop light. Four minutes of me bitting and forcing this cup to open and the grapes fly everywhere. The guy next to me was highly entertained. I couldn't stop laughing. Also, I spent ten minutes laughing in traffic because I realized that I had called a friend completely panicking about a situation I misread, left a voicemail, then realized two hours later that what I read had nothing to do with what I was talking about. For some reason this made me laugh...for way too long. Enjoy life. Laugh. If you said something stupid, don't cover it up. Its life, you aren't suppose to be perfect. Make memories. If you drop paper everywhere, don't stress out. Realize that out of a thousands in your work place, you are the one person in the area that was clumsy enough to create confetti out of printer paper. Have a party and smile when picking them up or be a party pooper and make a scene no person wants to be apart of.
20. Enjoy the time you have alone. This is something that most people get very antsy about. I use to until I lived alone and realized that being by yourself can actually be truly comforting. I actually enjoy driving for this very reason. I actually don't mind getting lost for an hour and a half because I get a chance to be 100% myself. My windows are usually down. My music is up way too loud and I am rocking out. I don't sing in front of people, but when I am in my car alone, I am a freakin rockstar. I also enjoy coming home to a place my own. Not saying that people annoy me, but sometimes it is nice to walk in and just do what you want. If you want to walk around in the ugliest outfit, hair up in a messy bun, have broadway tunes blaring and cooking a meal only you could like...you have that opportunity. Of course I do this with people over too...but there is freedom to dancing in the kitchen, in your socks, with a spatula as a microphone that you just can't obtain anyway else. Its detoxing. I love having certain people over because I can still do this (that is true friendship). But do not underestimate the love and joy that comes with being around yourself. You have your whole life to be with someone...make sure you like yourself before you let someone else.
These are in no particular order. Just 20 things I have learned during my 20th year of life. I see the world differently than most so you can agree or disagree. Each of us are on our own path so we learn different things and experience life in different ways. I love hearing about others stories and what they are doing in their lives because it is uniquely their own. No one way of life is better than the other. Choose for yourself. Live for yourself. Love for yourself. God wants to give you all of the desires of your heart, but only when the timing is right. Remember, our clock is 24 hours in a day and 365 days in a year. God sees thousands of years as a day...so our timing isn't the same. Trust his timing.
Miss Jesus Freak.
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