I can't say that I have that answer. However, I do know that God has provided for me.
We can all get very specific in our requests to for what we want. Of course, we only know the here, now and the feelings that are involved in them. We don't get to see the BIG picture that God sees.
For the past few months, I have been talking with God, my Family and my career mentors about where I wanted to be in the following months. I knew I still had school and, as much as I didn't want to, I had to put that first. I had to at least finish my online classes.
God and I talked about this. I told him that I would truly appreciate a career but I also knew and trusted that God would provide for me when I had a slow month of work for me to have time to complete my college education.
He did just that. I finished up my college education yesterday. I am now a 20 year old, BFA, Film Production chic with a concentration in cinematography. Ya! Loved my years in college, but ready to be involved in my career.
Now, when I stated that God and I talked, know that somethings happen perfectly. The day after I graduated, I received my first actual set job in the film industry. Earlier this morning I was given the news. Yes, totally freaked out about it and am completely blessed to serve such a caring God that listens and supports what I do.
Do know that this is a confirmation though. He has, time and time again, proven that this is where I belong. I need to be in this industry, working and living where I am. Every time I have questioned it, he has given me a reason to fully trust him.
Its not that I doubt him and then expect something to happen. I'm actually usually very at peace with my career. I know this is where I am suppose to be right now.
I was talking to my mom about this earlier. In this industry, the number one advice people give is don't be in a relationship. This is a very challenging industry to have someone you can commit your time and efforts to.
I want to fall in love. I may be naive and not know what I am talking about but I am growing to be a career woman who is financially stable, well respected and follows Christ.
Back to how this relates to my mom. She knows that I am capable of doing anything I want to. But we talked that God gave this job to me so confidently and without worry put towards me that I know it was him. If God wanted me in a relationship right now, it would be as easy as it was with this job.
Now, yes, just like the job, I have been very specific on relationships with God. I believe every girl is. Its not that I am like "This boy on this date and we will have 12 kids ten months after the 31st of December." No. I'm not crazy. I just want to make sure that the people in my life are in my life for a specific reason.
Yes, some are here to end up breaking your heart so you can stand up, learn and find better. Those people, as much as it sucks to say, are important to your life. However, eventually, I would like to know that isn't going to happen.
So, yea, when guys walk into my life, I start having conversations with God about their purpose in my life. About my purpose in their life. If they are meant to walk away and its not suppose to last, then I want to make sure we each left with a valuable idea of who we both now are.
I will say though, selfish prayer isn't helpful. My job is all about helping the others on my team. I know that and that is one of the reasons why I like it so much. I get to help make other's lives easier.
As for boys, I was always focused on how I would feel in a relationship. Cute pictures. Hand holding in cars. Hugs. Smiling awkwardly close to each other. Laughing. Blasting music. All those things and how I would be so happy.
But that isn't what I have recently discovered. The relationship isn't about how I feel (I mean, yes, girls don't let a guy treat you like crap!) its about how happy you can make someone else. How you can help them through their rough days. How you can give advice, make them smile and how you can make sure they are ok. They should be doing the same with you.
Falling in love is not about being happy but helping make the person next to you happy. When you find that person that you would go to the ends of the earth to make smile and laugh...you can start talking to God about them. That is the start of something beautiful.
I am not saying it will end in a relationship status, but it will be one of the best friendships you will be apart of. Its selfless.
God will make everything happen in his timing. I'm still not sure if specific is the best, but I know that God listens and God provides. He is not keeping things from you. He is preserving them. I wanted a realtionship two years ago...looking back, I wasn't ready. Emotionally I was cutting even my closest friends off. Maturity, I had a lot to work on. I loved getting into fights with the guy I liked and making him jealous. Now, forget that. I don't want anyone to feel that pain. I don't want to fight. I want to know a million happy memories over the few sad ones.
God is good. He really is. He continues to bless and protect me and I am forever greatful. I have an incredible family and now a stable job for the next few months. I wouldn't have any of it without him. I also have amazing friends! Ones that continue to amaze, support and protect me.
Falling in love. Well, thats another discussion God and I will have because when the guy God chooses for me is ready, so will I, and it will work out exactly as planned.
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