Petty things, sure, but they add up. Then, you add midterms and finals on top of that and life seems to be a constant struggle of having to be perfect.
In June, I took a giant leap of faith and moved to a new city away from college, my parents and most people that knew the new me. Through the struggle of trying to find an apartment, God provided me a room to stay in for a month with one of the church families that I had known from my college life. He and his wife were actually the first people to get me involved in the church I was apart of.
Then, in August, after working a week as a camera member on a second unit feature and another week on a television feature, I made the move to my new apartment. This process of searching and finding a place was incredibly stressful. I knew my parents would no longer be able to support my rent. Walking away from living on loans seemed like the most terrifying thing that could happen in my young life. I was going to be independent.
I could right out the stress of all that I endured, but that isn't the point.
I woke up and made the choice to move to where I am at because I trusted God. I told him I would take this leap of faith because I knew he wanted me here. However, I had to be provided for. I had to be able to keep up on my bills or I would have to move back with my parents until I could stand back on my feet.
He has provided every step of the way.
Now, here is where I don't want you to say "Oh she is just lucky." I'm not.
Blessed, sure, but lucky isn't a word that will be used to describe where I am. There was a purpose and a plan to have me where I am at. That part is incredibly amazing and shows me I am incredibly blessed to be a follower of Christ who provides for me.
However, it was not just given to me. I didn't just walk into a new city and have everything waiting for me with open arms. There was work that was involved that many people never saw. Hours of sitting in my guilds office researching for a job, perfecting resumes, editing reels and emailing anyone I could grab email addresses from. The phone calls, texts and emails sent could circle this world. Every event I could attend, I did. Every hand I could shake, I shook. I was new. I was inexperienced...but I was driven.
I had an extremely dry month of August. I started looking into other jobs around the area that would let me leave whenever I needed to so I could work in the industry. I never applied though. I kept telling my parents, "I am suppose to be here. It's all going to work out."
I was also finishing up my last quarter of college while trying to find a job. Since I am a perfectionist, I knew that working and trying to complete college was not going to work out. I kept praying for a job but I also kept praying that I could make it off of my last two paychecks until the end of August when I graduated.
Graduation came on August 25th. August 26th I got the call from my First AC to start working on a 3 month show. I turned down the internship I was in the running for, called everyone who's opinion I wanted and said yes.
Now, don't get me wrong, this show has had very stressful moments and a lot of them happened rather early on. However, the people who I have been working with has made it all extremely worth it. We work, sometimes, 16+ hours a day, five days a week. We all see the best and the worst of each other. We see the stressed out to the point of no return, the boiling mad, the extremely sarcastic, the happiest and the most protective side of one another. This is a family that can go through hell and back and still somehow find a moment in the day to smile.
If I could remember to keep looking back during all of those moments and realize that my God is a God who provides...all of these moments would become so much easier. Blind faith that where ever I am going, everything is going to work out, makes life a lot more enjoyable. That all of the stressful moments and worries are going to be taken care of because they have been taken care of before.
Because of the blind faith I had in June, I am where I am in November. He has given me more than I ever thought would be achievable in this limited amount of time. None of it would have been possible if I would have sat back, waiting for everything to work out. I HAD to jump without question. I HAD to walk (like that Indian Jones staircase) where I didn't see a walkway. I HAD to take steps and go through doors that were never visible and that were hiding their ultimate outcome from me.
If I would have stayed in Florida, waiting for this all to work out...I would still be in Florida.
I am now financially independent. My parents have not had to step in and pay rent. Last month I was able to take on all of my insurance from under my parents name. This is a blessing for them since I keep increasing it with my "bad" driving habits.
I was able to bring a little kitten, that our actress no longer wanted, into my home and have been able to medically provide for her. My heart continues to melt with how adorable she is. Coming home to her little face and meows completly makes my hours worth it. I am ok with being a crazy cat lady with this little one.
My parents told me I had to wait to get a cat until I was financially independent and had my own place...which I did. And they have fallen in love with her too. I think my parents need to be careful what they tell me...cause I always do as I am told, lol. I love my parents dearly!!!
Blind faith and realizing God has and will always provide is battle of life. It is a difficult balance between trusting God to provide and doing your part. You can't sit back and wait for others or Him to make the way for you. You must run ahead and trust that where your feet land will be on solid ground. No one can do the work for you. If you want it done, do it yourself. God is right there with you and knows the plans he has for you. You have to trust that he is ahead of you. He is running the race before you. That's why you can keep running. The trail has already been laid. The path has been protected. What you go through is not nearly as bad as what he went through to get you there. Keep running. Keep trusting. Keep working. Make what He has planned for you visible.
I am in love with where I am. I have bad moments but I know where ever I end up next, what I am going through now will help me there. The lessons I have learned and skills I have been taught will protect make the next job successful. I am where I am meant to be. Not only because of the work I put into it, but the blind trust of others believing I could be exactly what they needed.
I am not sure what was going through the heads of the people that hired me. I have found bits and pieces out, but I was not qualified in any sense to be apart of such a skilled and well known team. But because I was doing my part...things that I didn't even know, conversations I didn't even know about, were created that brought oppertunities that I would have never been able to be apart of.
And to end this...an adorable picture of my first official family member as an adult. Lil Emmie sleeping during our weekend car rides.
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